Things No One Tells You About Dating in Germany: Interracial Edition

Looking to date in Germany pretty soon? Check out this post for things no one tells you about dating in Germany from an interracial perspective.

As someone who has spent quite some time dating in Germany, there are a lot of things I wish I knew before I started dating interracially. I mean for the most part I knew about the most common German stereotypes like how Germans like splitting the bill and being on time; however, nothing prepared me for the stuff I went through when I started dating interacially in Germany for the first time.

So, if you’re planning to date interacially in Germany for the first time as a black woman, you’ve come to the right place. This post alone highlights things no one tells you about dating in Germany from an interracial perspective and my experience with them.

Not All Germans Split The Bill (dating in germany)

The first thing that no one tells you about dating in Germany interacially is the fact that not all Germans split the bill.

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I know it’s surprising but I wouldn’t lie to you if I knew it wasn’t true. I went on a handful of dates in Germany where the guy actually didn’t have a problem paying for me at all. Some of these dates were sometimes coffee dates or low-key drink dates, but other times at least with this one guy I went out with they were really expensive dinner dates.

Now, you might wonder why would any of these German guys pay the bill when the majority of German men don’t.

Well, I have my theories on this, so hear me out! I believe a German guy may pay the bill instead of splitting it for lots of different reasons:

• It could be because of the way they were raised or what they saw growing up.
• They may not want to risk turning you off if the date is going really well.
• They’re aware your culture is different from theirs and may not want to be disrespectful.
• They may pay for it as a way to feel entitled to sex.

All in all, if you’re a black woman who’s interested in dating a German guy, I hope he’s paying the bill due to the first reason listed above. When I dated a German guy who paid for dates because of the first reason listed above, I personally had a better time on the date and he paid consistently for the other ones.

Beware of Germans That Focus to Much on Your Blackness (dating in germany)

The second thing no tells you about dating interacially in Germany is to avoid dating German men who put too much focus on your skin color. I unfortunately wasn’t aware of this when I first started dating in Germany but if I was I would’ve definitely avoided these type of men at all costs.

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Guys like this do exist on dating apps in Germany and they only match with you because of the sole purpose of you being black. This of course was something I noticed instantly when I went out with German men like this because they would initially ask me questions that were solely based about my race or they would either inquire deeply as to “where I am from?”.

For example, German men like this may ask you questions such as:

• What country in Africa are you from? (especially if you haven’t mentioned you’re from there)
• Do you have an afro?

Or they might have an obsession with black culture that includes:

• Listening to only rap music
• Habitually eating only black food from a certain culture

Men like this are not too focused on who you are as a person and they’re more focused on you being black. So, if you’re a black woman in Germany who’s dating a German guy like this, please leave him.

Exclusivity is Implied But Not Discussed (dating in Germany)

Another thing no tells you about dating in Germany interracially is the fact that in Germany exclusivity is implied but it is not discussed.

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The reason I find this so important is because in American culture exclusive dating is usually something that’s discussed beforehand instead of it being assumed. However, while I was in Germany, I had no idea the opposite was true there.

I was actually dating a German guy who had no idea I was dating other German guys simultaneously and he was pretty upset about that. He of course, was under the impression that I was dating him and only him since that’s what he was doing with me.

I of course, obviously didn’t know how to feel about it since doing this in America is pretty much the norm when you’re dating online. However, if I had known that this was the norm beforehand in Germany, I probably would have done things differently.

So, if you’re a black woman who’s looking to date in Germany, be aware that as you date German men may assume you both are exclusively dating without discussing it.

The Stares Will Be Twice As Much (dating in Germany)

Another thing no one tells you about dating in Germany interracially is the fact that the stares you get when you’re with your date will be twice as much as the stares you get when you’re by yourself.

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I for one noticed this while I was dating a guy in Germany and it was just really bizarre. For example, I remember there was this one time my date and I were just window shopping at a random store and I noticed my date kept staring behind me. I of course didn’t know what he was staring at but the stare he gave back was quite intense. It was only when I actually looked back to see what he was staring at that I realized he was being met with an intense gaze from a German senior.

In fact, I would say it was even worse at restaurants since when we would walk into any restaurant for a date all eyes would just be on us. Germans of course would also just literally stare to the point where we seemed more interesting than the food on their plate.

But that of course is just the culture for you.

So, if you’re a black woman who’s looking to date interracially in Germany, be mentally prepared for the stares you might get. Some of the stares can be really mean and intense at times so you need to develop the thick skin for it.

Some Like To Fall Into Their Feminine Energy (dating in Germany)

Lastly, another thing no one tells you about dating in Germany is the fact that some German men like to fall into their feminine energy. So, in other words, instead of taking the lead and providing on a date like a masculine man would, some German men would prefer to take on a more passive/feminine role when it comes to dating.

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For example, I remember going on a Bumble date with this German guy and I remember him telling me how annoying it was that I didn’t have a plan for the date.

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Like what???

You asked me out on this date. Therefore, it shouldn’t be my job to plan anything.

Furthermore, I even remember asking a German guy who they think should pay on the first date, the man or the woman? He responded and actually said the WOMAN.

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I shortly unmatched him afterwards.

And as mentioned earlier, German men who have no problem splitting the bill also fall into their feminine energy too when they do this. It showcases a lack of desire to provide for the woman they are with which in other words can mean their masculine energy is wounded or they’re not straight. Either way, it’s not a good look.

So, if you’re a black woman who’s looking to date interacially in Germany, unless you’re into men who are in their feminine energy, pay attention to the tidbits I just shared. They’ll help you avoid German men who fall under this category so that you can find German men that portray the healthy masculine energy you’re looking to be around.

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Overall, I really hope you enjoyed this post on the Things No One Tells You About Dating in Germany: Interracial Edition. Please let me know in the comments down below what surprised you the most about dating interracially in Germany. I would love to hear from you! 🙂

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